The TSA recently began, and now claims to have ended, a program to screen books pulled from carry on bags. On the TSA website, under an article titled “Let’s Close the Book on Book Screening Rumors” the TSA goes on to confirm the rumors and then asks us to just forget about it. It is important to note: they were in fact requiring passengers to remove books from their bags in order to check them. They then go on to say:
You know us… We’re always testing procedures to help stay ahead of our adversaries.
Oh TSA, you’re so silly. You know me — I don’t believe you.
Or, at the very least, I don’t understand you. For example, I don’t know how pulling someone’s lobster out of its crate and posing with it like you’re at a carnival keeps us ahead of our adversaries. I don’t know how publicly forcing a cancer survivor to remove her wig helps keep us ahead of our adversaries. In fact I don’t know how you can feel good about all the groping you do in the name of keeping us safe when you have a 95% failure rate. That is an abysmal grade. So I guess I do know you, I just don’t like what I see.
So you want me to believe you when you say “we weren’t judging your books by their covers”?
Fine. I’ve made up a few covers for folks to print and place over their book covers. You don’t mind, do you?
I think you get the point.
I also made this one up as a bonus. It features all real quotes from our 45th president.
