What can we do?

A couple weeks ago, I got a message from someone I barely know, asking me, essentially, “Are we safe? Should we move?” I won’t get into specifics other than to say they are part of a group being targeted by overreaching, almost certainly illegal, and definitely harmful executive orders designed to frighten, marginalize and erase an entire group of people.

My response was that the best advice I’ve heard is to not listen to what this administration says, but watch what they do. A lot of what they are doing is failing, even if it doesn’t feel like it. This administration is without morals or scruples and is very, very dangerous, but is also made up of a bunch of blustering, selfish morons who may tank the economy or turn on each other before they can do further harm to marginalized peoples. They are throwing everything at the wall to shock us, but also to make things stick.

On the other hand, (and I did not say this because it isn’t comforting), they may also succeed in dismantling democracy and turn America into an autocracy/oligarchy/dictatorship. Some version of that appears to be the plan and people see it and many are afraid.

Three different people asked me today some version of “What do we do?” overwhelmed by the onslaught of incredibly dangerous stupidity, and grief for what we’ve already lost. It’s a lot. Too much, I’d say. You probably feel it in your gut. It’s fear and that fear is reasonable, but sustained fear is unhealthy.

So, while I know there are better people than me to offer ideas and comfort, I’m going to give you the best advice I can in somewhat random order. It’s assembled from my thoughts and other people’s advice as I understand, or perhaps misunderstand, it. If I’ve got anything wrong, let me know.

1.) Don’t panic! It’s the first thing they teach in you scuba diving. It’s emblazoned on the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and it’s implicit, if inverse, to the useful motto: Keep Calm and Carry On. If you’re asking yourself, “well, when can I panic?“, the answer is “whenever you like,” but it won’t help and it won’t make you feel better.

2.) Stay true to your best self. This might be harder than you think. If you feel outraged right now and can’t believe what we’re seeing, know that this administration is trying to grind the best part of you down. It’s a calculated onslaught. We all know that’s the point. They are trying to overwhelm us.

Take this example: Just today “The White House” posted a repugnant and trolling post, labeling footage of shackled deportees as “ASMR” for people to enjoy. It’s truly awful and, make no mistake, it’s dehumanizing propaganda used to foster not just hate — but also outrage.

How would this grind you down? Because you’re constantly being given a choice to be outraged and you can only sustain so much. It’s meant to chip away at your morality. This is how autocrats and dictators work — they keep pushing the line until the one they crossed the day before seems not as bad — maybe even okay. Don’t be fooled. Hold fast. This is repugnant. Name it, but don’t let it consume you.

The other thing to remember is this kind of bullshit is designed to further divide us. How? Because you not only feel outrage at the White House, but disgust and incredulous rage at the people who accept and even welcome such posts. And many, many people who believe themselves to be good people will accept it. They won’t laugh. They’ll say or think some version of, “well it was in poor taste, but I’m glad he’s doing something about immigration.” Also keep in mind many of the Felon-in-Chief’s followers will psychically need to believe each of these terrible things are okay because they voted for him and they can’t bear the responsibility. It’s sad, and frustrating, and terrifying, and you can’t argue when they are in the thrall. Call it out, but move on. They won’t hear you. They can’t believe what they’ve done. (Full disclosure: I have failed at this, badly. I’m flawed and full of rage, but you don’t have to be.)

I’m sure there’s a good long list of other companies and I’ll post it here once I can vet it.

Then there’s Amazon. I gave it a paragraph all its own. I know a lot of people are going to find it hard to give it up. I know some of you won’t. It’s convenient and it’s cheap and it probably ruined at least five businesses you used to love. Cut them off now. If you’re in the middle of a Prime subscription, raise a stink and demand a pro-rated refund. Don’t give them another penny. That also means no more Whole Foods, if you’re a Whole Foods shopper. Give them up today.

4.) Take care of yourself. I know you’ve heard this before. I also suspect you aren’t listening. I’m not. But we all should. Try to get good sleep. I try to remind my brain every night that if it will just stop trying to solve everything, it will probably come up with something cool in the night. Yes, I’m writing this after midnight, but there’s a bucket loader slamming the pavement outside my window so I have an excuse.

5.) Keep calling your reps or, if you haven’t, start. I’ll also tell you that you shouldn’t limit yourself to your representatives. Call those in congress you disagree with. I don’t care if they don’t want to hear from you. Make your voice heard. Call on behalf of someone you know in the zip code. Choose the thing that you feel most articulate about and calmly let them know what you think. Other people smarter than me have written more about this and have better experience and strategy. But I’m hiding an important piece of information in #3 which is, all our efforts are a drop in the bucket — and that’s why we have to keep at it. None of us can fill the bucket alone.

6.) Don’t give up the things you love. I live for being creative, for writing and photography and music, so that keeps me going. A friend and fellow artist wrote this and I found it very helpful because I’ve been struggling with “what’s the point?” It’s a bad place to be. I won’t tell you to snap out of it, but you really should if you can. Let yourself enjoy your time with your friends and family too. Go fishing if that’s your thing. Keep your heart and mind alive.

7.) Disobey. This one is for anyone who is getting hit by these executive actions. I’m sure that’s limited to a very small number of people I might reach but if you are here: don’t obey anything that you don’t absolutely have to. Don’t let Musk and his little rodents into your building unless he is authorized to enter — the president doesn’t have the authority. Don’t answer questions. Don’t hand over data. Don’t move out of the way. Don’t let them sit in your chair. Don’t resign. Don’t quit. Don’t accept early retirement. Don’t work from home. Don’t stop working if they tell you to stop working. If they threaten you physically, call the police. If they break things or pick locks or take things, call the police. All of this unless you have no choice. If they fire you without demonstrable cause, sue them right now, even (or especially) if you are in a probationary period. Especially if it was a form letter from someone who couldn’t possible evaluate your performance. Sue for termination without cause. Sue for emotional damages. If I can get information on lawyers processing such cases, I’ll update this post and add that info here.

If you’re still in place in our government (or outside it) and you have a role that furthers the agenda of this administration, you might consider to very, very diligently and carefully make sure every “i” is dotted and every “t” is crossed too — every bureaucratic hurdle leapt over, to make sure you are doing your job exactly as it is laid out. You’re not gumming up the works. You are the works. With so many people laid off, it may be very difficult to print out an ICE warrant when the printer is jammed and Doris is working from home and she’s the one who knows just how to clear it.

8.) Don’t accept anything the Felon-in-Chief does as trivial or good. Maybe you think the penny should go and his thinking is right. Maybe it is. It doesn’t matter. He does not have the authority to get rid of the penny by executive action. If it takes 30 years to get Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill, it can’t possibly be in the pervue of the president to get rid of the penny. If he could, he could also put himself on the $100 bill and the only reason he hasn’t is that he has no imagination and hasn’t read this post.

Listen, it doesn’t matter what he’s doing, do not accept it! (Unless it’s his resignation.)

9.) Obstruct. This one is mostly for the Democrats in our government but it applies to anyone who can: Stop everything you can from this administration. Obstruct everything and then, Democrats, for God’s sake, tell us what you’re doing! Why would you even consider passing a budget that would further this monster’s agenda? The GOP did and it fucking worked. It’s how they took the Supreme Court. You need to resist and fight back in kind.

Hold rallies! Tell us how to help! (I shouldn’t be writing this list, you should!) For fuck’s sake, lead! Start a podcast called “What We’re Doing” and then tell us!

Look, we all know we can’t count on you to get your shit together, but you have to do it. I don’t know if you realize this, or if history will recognize it, but if you do manage to stop the decline of this democracy you will be heroes. Maybe no one will notice, but that doesn’t matter. Real heroes aren’t in it for the glory. And, listen, I know you’re just has upset and stunned and broken-hearted as everyone whose is sickened by this regime, but you all promised us “when we fight, we win.” You didn’t mention you might not fight. Maybe it was just words, I don’t care — live up to them now. Join together, stop moping and fight, even if it’s too late because, you should have pulled out all the stops a year ago. Don’t go down mumbling.

9.) Preserve our history. When our nation’s worst tried to overturn the election and stormed the capital on January 6th, we were at a turning point. I remember the shock in a good friend’s voice because all my years of liberal paranoia suddenly seemed like foresight. Then came the sober moment after, where nearly everyone could see the insurrection for what it was. The Republicans briefly decried the failed coup and continued to do so for as long as it was useful to them. It wasn’t very long. It wasn’t even weeks. The rewriting began.

Those traitors have all been pardoned now. They are traitors still. You must know that if they had succeeded in murdering Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi (and I promise you, they would have done it if they’d had the chance), they would have been pardoned still. That’s the kind of president we have. We need to keep our eyes open about that. We need to remember. The narrative that it “just got out of hand” is, and always has been, a lie. The coup failed… until this past November when a lot of folks decided to see what happens when everything burns. This is where and how history gets rewritten. Don’t let it happen. We all saw it happen.

10.) Support the Press. We can’t preserve our past if we don’t know what is happening in the present. We need journalism more than ever and it’s under attack. When I say support, I mean subscribe and pay. Don’t confuse your frustration or anger at “mainstream media” with the press. For years I’ve had to take good friends to task for complaining about stories the “mainstream media” isn’t reporting when, in fact, most or all reputable news outlets are reporting.

So who can you trust? Reuters, the AP, BBC, and NPR top of my list. It’s important with all news media to separate the news from opinion, commentary, analysis and clickbait. CNN, MSN and the New York Times, for example, often have good reporting, but it can be alongside or buried among these things.

One way to judge the reliability of a news outlet is by the clarity and accuracy of its headlines. Another is by tone and citation.

When I say support, I also mean we need to stand up for journalism and journalists when they are under attack and that includes by friends or foes. The White House has already banned the AP from briefings for not knuckling under to absurd demands. Expect to see more of this. Biased, sycophantic and straight up false media is going to get priority access from this administration. Good news media is going to keep getting sued. We need to be vocal and have their backs.

We should also support reputable burgeoning outlets, but someone other than me will have to tell you what these are, where to find them and how to vet them.

Finally on this point, go ahead and watch the comedians you love who comment on the news. The news is painful and humor can make it easier to face. And if you can’t right now, it’s okay. But, {whispering} _{you can still run their Youtube videos and podcasts without actually listening and give them numbers}.

11.) America doesn’t deserve this. I know some of you disagree. A good number of people have told me America is going to get what it deserves. I think what they usually mean is that a crumbling and shattered democracy run by greedy, selfish asshats is what the slim majority of voters wanted. Maybe. Some of them were fueled by hate. Others were fueled by greed or just the selfish desire to serve their myopic self-interest. I still believe many were, and are, ignorant — and it’s frustrating because it often seems willfully, gleefully and smugly so. There were plenty of dupes too. They really think they did the right thing. They were fooled. Do they all deserve what’s coming? No, and I can prove with a single sentence: The worst of us stand to gain the most, and children are going to suffer and die. Both sides of that equation are true and both of them are wrong.

When people say we deserve what’s coming, I think they hope it will all get sorted by Karma. Sadly, Karma’s been asleep at the wheel throughout most of human history.

And to anyone who thinks we all deserve what’s coming? I don’t. My neighbor’s new baby doesn’t. Unless what’s coming is better days and I think those are a long, long way off.

12.) No one can save us but us. I know we want the Democrats to do more, but whether they do or they don’t, the bulk of the power rests with us. The boycotts, marches and strikes are all tools we have, and we have to do them together — every single person we can get to join.

13.) You are not alone. There are millions of us. There are more of us than them. (In truth, there is no them.) Keep close to trusted friends and family.

14.) You can’t fix this. Maybe that’s obvious. Maybe it seems to contradict everything I’ve said above. But you, as just one person, don’t bear the responsibility for the whole of the fight. Do what you can. Be strong. Take breaks when you feel weak. This isn’t on your shoulders, even though it’s weighing on you. Do what you can.

15.) Find joy. I feel like a thousand people have written on this, but I find it a comfort to be given permission. Look for one beautiful thing every day, no matter how terrible that day may be. I plan to focus on this one. I plan to try. This is not my strength, but it’s the reason I talk about staying true to your best self, not the usual “staying true to yourself.” We all contain multitudes and some of my multitudes are miserable little mopes.

16.) Don’t go. Back in November, soon after the election, I wrote half an essay called “Don’t Go” addressed to Vice President Harris, and then I lost my way. I remember when Hillary receded into the woods, wandering like a liberal celebrity ghost, looking tired and taking pictures with local hikers. She never really came back, not for me. Not for us. I didn’t blame her. I was too stunned and I assume she was too. I never, not once, thought she’d lose.

It’s a little late to repeat now what I said then, but I believed in Harris in November and I believe she still could be fighting now. But I don’t see it happening. Where did she go? The latest news is that she’s signed with a talent agency and I’ll admit I’m disappointed that is all I’ve heard. I’m not ready to admit all the passion and energy of that hasty campaign was for show. I want to see her out, fighting, opposing the man she should have defeated.

But when I say “Don’t go,” I don’t mean her, I mean you. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Don’t move to Canada unless your personal safety is on the line and, even then, maybe we stay and fight. Maybe. Some things are worth dying for, even for those of us who aren’t willing to kill.

And look, the stakes are huge. A lot of us are going to fight and some of us are going to die, but not in a revolution. That’s not the kind of fight I mean. The deaths will come from all the dismantled protections that kept children vaccinated and healthcare moving. People will starve but before that happens expect a lot of crime. It will happen in time. It’s fully possible we will mobilize a massive action — a march of a million voices descending on Washington to peacefully but forcefully protest — and it’s possible the Felon-in-Chief will order us killed. Just a few. Just at the front. Just enough to cause panic and clear the square. Or maybe they’ll just go for our kneecaps, like Trump suggested before, and for far, far less.

I believe we should all stay and fight to keep our democracy and defend the Constitution. If all the good people with the means to get out leave, it’s probably over for America. Don’t go.

17.) Let this bring us closer. After I wrote all of the above, I was out in my neighborhood and the mood surprised me. The vibe was not of fear but kindness. I can’t entirely put my finger on how. Maybe it was the smile from a pair of strangers, or the way we all seemed to make space for each other. Maybe it was having a laugh with my neighbors, or another with the guys at the hardware store. I know I’m lucky to live where I do, but these brief moments made me realize that we can choose to not let ourselves be divided. After all, everything we want is about preserving what is good and just about the United States, not our divisions.